Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships Eric Berne 9780141040271 Books
Download As PDF : Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships Eric Berne 9780141040271 Books
The bestselling "Games People Play" is the book that has helped millions of people understand the dynamics of relationships, by psychiatrist Eric Berne. We all play games. In every encounter with other people we are doing so. The nature of these games depends both on the situation and on who we meet. Eric Berne's classic "Games People Play" is the most accessible and insightful book ever written about the games we play those patterns of behaviour that reveal hidden feelings and emotions. Wise and witty, it shows the underlying motivations behind our relationships and explores the roles that we try to play - and are forced to play. "Games People Play" gives you the keys to unlock the psychology of others - and yourself. You'll become more honest, more effective, and a true team player. "A brilliant, amusing, and clear catalogue of the psychological theatricals that human beings play over and over again". (Kurt Vonnegut). Eric Berne was a prominent psychiatrist and bestselling author. After inventing his groundbreaking Transactional Analysis, he continued to develop and apply this new methodology leading him to publish "Games People Play". This became a runaway success and Berne leaves a remarkable legacy of over 30 other books and articles, as well as the founding of the International Transactional Analysis Association. Dr Berne's other works include "Principles of Group Treatment", "A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis'", and "What Do You Say After You Say Hello?" He died in 1970.
Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships Eric Berne 9780141040271 Books
This "bible" of transactional analysis can be incredibly helpful to those who are dealing with people who play damaging games all day every day. It's slightly outdated, and some of the things it calls "games" we now call "illness", but it still is overwhelmingly useful (even revolutionary) for those who want to take control of their life and personal interactions.It describes abusive games people play like "Let's pull a fast one on Jimmy" or "Broken leg" and tells you exactly how to end your role in them. If you have to deal with people who always make excuses, can't be trusted, constantly criticize you, etc, this is the book to read.
The only thing you need to be aware of, and it's important, is that ending "games", or even just your role in games others keep trying to make you play, can destroy relationships in the short term (and sometimes in the long term). If you have someone really toxic in your life who plays very destructive games, they will be FURIOUS and THREATENED when you terminate your part in the game. For them, playing the game may seem like a matter of life and death . . .
In that instance, you need to be working with a therapist who specializes in using transactional analysis as part of therapy. In fact, that's pretty much always good advice if you want to make big changes in your family, personal, and professional relationships. You can google for therapists that use TA as a method and its worth doing.
At any rate, this is a powerful book. I hope you enjoy reading it.
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Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships Eric Berne 9780141040271 Books Reviews
I first read this book in 1965. It was suggested that I revisit it, and I did. This is a very important book and has opened up a whole new approach to psychiatry. Offshoots are "Scripts People Live" and others. A most useful proposition is that if the therapist is still seeing the patient, the therapist has failed to cure the patient. Wow! So it's not that the patient is an idiot. Totally awesome concept.
Love it.
Advice to all BUY IT!
The bad the psychoanalytical language is a bit annoying (trying to relate everything back to sexuality). Also its clinically oriented, so only a few of the "games" are applicable to the average person.
The good it highlights some common, sometimes destructive patterns of human interaction. Sometimes these are shockingly accurate for how detailed they are - its as though he was summarizing various parts of my life. The basic premise is that humans go through social interactions at different levels. There is the explicit level and there is the implicit background interaction - for instance when a husband asks his wife if she wants a massage, sometimes he's really asking for sex, and when you ask someone how their day is going, you're really saying "I acknowledge that you exist and we're on good terms". But these hidden interactions can take on much more complex forms that we aren't even aware of, and when people can't address the background causes behind disputes and patterns of behavior it can lead to unhealthy relationships and perpetuate more unhealthy behavior. These hidden interactions are called social "games" hence the title of book. The example that struck me was the brilliantly named "Now I got you, you son of a bitch". It's best explained by example husband forgets to take out the trash - wife flies into a 20 minute fit of rage about how he doesn't appreciate anything she does, doesn't care about her, only cares about himself and shirks away from responsibility whenever possible. To put it in more plain language than the book uses, the actual focal point of the interaction is irrelevant, its a scapegoat that allows the aggressor to justify their rage and bring up all of their other grievances. It comes from a desire for validation and allows the players to avoid dealing with the undying issues causing the dissatisfaction. If you've never witnessed NIGYSOB being played, I envy you and wish I lived your life in which people always dealt with long standing conflict in a mature manner.
This is one of the best books you can read in order to handle people who seem to drain your energy. Games are forms of dishonest communication. For instance, there is someone who always complains about their job or their relationship. Whatever advice you give is dismissed as unfeasible. The point is that complaining to you is an excuse to talk to you, not really an effort to elicit your advise. And the complaining allows the person to interact with you without having to reveal anything personal about themselves, without having to expose themselves emotionally to you. This book has one or two page scenarios with tactics on how to counter the game. In the example above it probably advises to stop offering in an attempt to fix their situation. The examples are described in such simple and humorous language, you will laugh (or cringe with a bit of embarrassment) as you recognize others or yourself as having played certain games. And you will recall specific games or variations of games almost instantly when they occur. You end up putting a stop to other peoples games and have a harder time playing games of your own with a straight face after reading this book. And that is Eric Berne's approach to psychology--psychological break throughs are not about having a revelatory experience after 7 years of talking about yourself and you unconscious motives. Instead, it is all about understanding and recognizing surface patterns of unhealthy behavior and interactions. And the recognition is not like seeing God come out of the sky, it just becoming aware of the fact that a fly has been buzzing around the room, swatting it, and throwing it in the trash so that you can go back to talking to someone or finishing whatever you were working on. This book is a classic in its genre, it's very informative with actionable advice, enticingly easy to read, and very highly recommended. I've bought copies to give out to friends when they are in unhealthy situations and relationships.
This "bible" of transactional analysis can be incredibly helpful to those who are dealing with people who play damaging games all day every day. It's slightly outdated, and some of the things it calls "games" we now call "illness", but it still is overwhelmingly useful (even revolutionary) for those who want to take control of their life and personal interactions.
It describes abusive games people play like "Let's pull a fast one on Jimmy" or "Broken leg" and tells you exactly how to end your role in them. If you have to deal with people who always make excuses, can't be trusted, constantly criticize you, etc, this is the book to read.
The only thing you need to be aware of, and it's important, is that ending "games", or even just your role in games others keep trying to make you play, can destroy relationships in the short term (and sometimes in the long term). If you have someone really toxic in your life who plays very destructive games, they will be FURIOUS and THREATENED when you terminate your part in the game. For them, playing the game may seem like a matter of life and death . . .
In that instance, you need to be working with a therapist who specializes in using transactional analysis as part of therapy. In fact, that's pretty much always good advice if you want to make big changes in your family, personal, and professional relationships. You can google for therapists that use TA as a method and its worth doing.
At any rate, this is a powerful book. I hope you enjoy reading it.
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